


From the Outside Looking In

by StarscreamSimp



Series: A Mind's Perspective [1]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One, Transformers: Prime
Genre: Abuse, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Conjunx Endura, Cuddling, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Kissing, M/M, Memory Related, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Self-Harm, Starscream being Starscream, Suicide Attempt, i promise this is a happy ending!!!, megatron learning from his mistakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:40:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26640826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarscreamSimp/pseuds/StarscreamSimp
Summary: Starscream traps Megatron within his mind, forcing him to watch and endure his most painful memories. It's his last chance- his final attempt.
Relationships: Megatron/Starscream (Transformers)
Series: A Mind's Perspective [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1972936
Comments: 3
Kudos: 44





	From the Outside Looking In

* * *

“Hey!” Starscream barked at Hook and the other constructions in the hallway. They completely ignored him. “Your superior officer is talking to you!” He screamed, marching up to the mechs. Again, ignored. The Air Commander waved his servos to grab their attention, yet they continued conversing like nothing.

His blue servos went to push into Scrapper. Starscream gasped as nothing happened. He didn’t phase through the Decepticon, but he.. didn’t register a touch. Something wasn’t right.

 _They can’t see me_ , Starscream thought. How strange. The former scientist had to test his hypothesis with other mechs, so he stomped off to the Command Centre.

As he expected, nobody acknowledged him. Not even Megatron, who sat haughtily on his throne. Idiot. The seeker went up to the throne, wanting to just issue some non-committal punches when-

“Starscream!” The warlord yelled, causing the seeker to duck down in response. Starscream turned but saw his Leader stepping away from the throne- right towards… _himself?_ No.

Starscream got a closer look. It was definitely him. Megatron was now standing in front of.. a different Starscream.

The seeker squinted his optics, listening in.

“Here’s your reports, _My Liege_.” He cooed sarcastically, handing the datapad over to Megatron, who roughly took it from his servos.

“As always Starscream, your loyalty knows no bounds.” The voice was strained, sarcastic. And very much displeased.

Starscream watched, kneeling by the throne as he saw Megatron pinch the wingtips of the Starscream very much in front of him. _Oh._ Realization hit the Vosian Prince. _This is a memory_.

Starscream wasn’t really sure if it was a dream. Whatever it was, the attempts to wake himself up were in vain. He slumped defeated against the door of his own empty quarters. It was so unnatural. Didn’t feel like the _Nemesis_ , didn’t smell like the _Nemesis_. Just a fake reincarnation of his memories.

The seeker’s helm popped up as curiosity struck another plan. “My lab..” He murmured aloud, though nobody could see him. Or hear him.

He slunk through the halls of the _Nemesis_. The ship was identical so he knew the way by spark alone. This time he completely ignored any mechs, fully aware of their inability to see him. He saw Megatron approaching, though still cautiously moved to the other side of the hallway to avoid him- call it habit.

“Starscream?”

The seeker stopped. Surely he hadn’t just been seen by the warlord. He quickly swung around, expecting to see his past-self carnation following him. But he wasn’t there.

Starscream squinted his optics at the grey mech who only stared back with an inquisitive look. “Megatron?” He asked back.

The Leader’s face was unreadable. Though Starscream could tell he was confused. His attention was briefly interrupted by the sound of thrusters flying towards them. Starscream slunk back against the wall as a purple jet bellowed through the halls. He knew it all too well to be Skywarp, soon followed by Thundercracker. Soon.. followed by Starscream. The seeker watched, perplexed as his trine- and himself, flew down the halls of the _Nemesis_.

He quickly turned back to the grey mech. Megatron had not broken his gaze, and Starscream understood Megatron had come to a similar realization.

“Are you… in my mind?” Starscream strutted up to Megatron defensively, his optics slitting in anger.

“I’m not sure what pit of hell you crawled out of but I certainly have no inclination to willingly tie myself to your processor!” He loomed over the seeker, anger reaching his faceplates.

Starscream hummed, stepping back. His memories were hazy. But he had an inclination that it was his fault- his responsibility that they were here.

After a brief spat, Starscream attached himself to Megatron to ensure the brute didn’t damage any of his memories- even if he was viewing them from a different perspective.

“My lab.” He spoke finally. “I might find a clue there.” Megatron responded with an idle threat but did not question further. Starscream felt himself suppressing the feeling of emptiness.

He entered the code to his lab and stepped inside, reveling in the familiarity. He looked around- everything was as he remembered, save for a new piece of equipment to which he quickly sauntered to. He gasped softly.

The machine was small- it was grey and it’s outer shell was made of alloy. The memories flowed back and Starscream _remembered_.

Megatron slunk in behind the seeker, déjà vu swarming his processor. He looked at the lab- and though he hadn’t been in many times, he was unsurprised to see the room in such disarray as his seeker normally was. “And?” He asked, rather annoyed.

Starscream slunk down, cradling the machine. “I remember.” He said dimly.

“Well then fix it you imbecile.” Megatron ordered.

Starscream spat back.

“No! I did this for a reason and even if my short-term memory was fragged, I remember now!” He hitched up, glaring up at the warlord. “I trapped you- I lured you.. I needed you to see.” His vocalizer faltered as he turned away from Megatron.

He held the machine protectively. “You’re here to see the pain you’ve caused me.”

Starscream fiddled with the machine, and soon the scene changed as their environment faltered. Megatron observed behind him, his menacing presence looming. Considering Starscream was his only escape, he was surprisingly pliant. Though, he was rather.. uncomfortable with the circumstance.

They stood on the side of the Command Centre, watching.

“Master!” Spat Starscream, energon dribbling from his split lips and cracked brow-ridge. Megatron cringed as he saw the memory of himself kick the already-kneeling seeker, sending the frame coughing on the ground. “P-please.” He cried out, looking up with pleading optics.

“Pathetic.”

Megatron winced as he saw himself crushing the seeker’s cockpit, glass shattering across the room.

Starscream was completely unaffected. He ordered Megatron to keep watching as the memory-Megatron stormed out of the room, leaving the broken seeker alone in the center.

He felt his tanks drop as he saw memory-Starscream’s optics fill with fluids.

“I did—I did what you wanted..” He was shaking, pressing his legs up to protect the broken cockpit. The seeker’s vents were shaky, some failing. He watched the memory seeker’s optics shut as he fell unconscious.

Megatron’s optics were wide and he pursed to say something, but he stopped as he saw how completely emotionless his subordinate was, holding the machine with malice intent.

This time, they were on earth. The pair quickly adjusted their pedes as the soft dirt of the earth enamored their struts. Starscream crossed his arms, avoiding the gaze of the Warlord as he glared at the next scene- the next painful memory.

“If you don’t remember,” Starscream began. “Let me remind you. This was after our retreat from the nuclear facility. You blamed me for not setting up the machine correctly.”

Megatron looked as Starscream made a pointed effort to highlight how Rumble had tripped over a cable- that was _perfectly_ set up. The idiotic casseticon elected to run away and not tell anyone.

“You didn’t believe me.” Starscream scoffed.

Megatron glared as Starscream shifted forward in the memory. He skipped the beating itself. Instead, he watched as the memory-Starscream collapsed on the dirt. His normally pristine armor was muddled with dirt and dents. Scratches littered his face, his cockpit had once again been crushed. The memory-Starscream was crying out in pathetic hitched sobs, energon pooling beneath him. Megatron noticed that his left wing had been so dented and torn. The right had been pulled off. He cringed again, remembering this memory. Though in his mind, the memory did not elicit remorse, not like it did now.

* * *

“Stop.” He was quiet, languid even. Starscream shifted away from him. “Not yet.”

Megatron felt his spark crushing him, asphyxiating him from the inside out. It felt like days he had been stuck here- reliving Starscream’s worst memories. He felt guilt and remorse because the most painful reminders he had inflicted on Starscream hadn’t been his fault.

Starscream clicked the machine again. However, Megatron quickly swooned in the familiar setting. His quarters, his berth. He saw himself sat in his chair, and he saw the seeker also sitting precariously across from him. They were smiling, sharing energon.

“I remember this.” Megatron pursed.

“Yeah. Me too.” Starscream’s tone inflected hurt.

“Is.. your memory different from mine?” Megatron asked, not breaking his gaze as he recognized the familiar sight unfolding- the dangerous and elegant wings of his Air Commander spreading as he pressed a kiss to those soft lips.

“No. Just wasn’t sure if you’d forgotten.” Starscream shrugged, and quickly moved on from the memory.

Megatron felt a short stinging but held his glossa from further comments.

* * *

Five more memories later, Megatron had finally grabbed Starscream’s wrists. “Starscream. Stop this.” He shook him, and Starscream hissed back.

“No!” He shook free of the scarred servos grasping him, and clicked the machine once more. “You need.. you need to understand I won’t- I can’t- keep doing this.”

Megatron’s face was unreadable to the seeker. “Why are you showing me your most vulnerable moments?” He asked his Second in Command, and Starscream swore he heard concern in those words.

He only shrugged, turning away from his leader. “It’s my last chance. My final attempt.”

The words were chilling for Megatron.

Starscream sighed and clicked the machine again. “Do you remember the time I left for several earth-weeks?” He asked earnestly.

Megatron nodded. “I do remember.” His voice was hoarse.

And like that, the scene changed once more.

Megatron felt chilled as he and his Second stood on the flight deck. It was night- the stars were shone brightly. His focused was on the lone seeker sat on the deck.

Starscream had his knee struts clutched within his arms as he watched the stars up above. He sighed softly, scooting himself to the edge of the _Nemesis_ deck, his legs dangling over into the endless atmosphere.

Megatron’s mouth dropped, intake wide open.

The memory-Starscream smiled widely- a genuine yet crazed smile. And Megatron watched as he dug his own sharp dagger claws into his own wrist. His own protoform.

“Ha-haa.” He shivered out, optics filling with washer fluid as energon spilled out from the exposed main line. “You hurt me. But only I can do this. Only I have control over my own life.”

Starscream cried out into the sky. Megatron wanted to reach into the memory and stop it, but he couldn’t. He watched helplessly as he watched his Second continue to mutilate himself on the deck of his own ship.

“I’ll be free. I’ll be free.” He hummed, driving a claw deeper into the energon-rich fuel lines. He reveled in the pain- his own pain. “Free from you. I hate it.” He seethed, and the seeker screamed out as he cried in frustration. “I hate that I love you. I hate- I.. I h-hate you.” He shuddered, his felt himself hazy as he noticed the energon pooled below him, dripping off his thighs into the clouds below them.

Megatron felt himself fall to his knees.

Starscream continued talking in the memory, almost as if begging for anyone to hear and help. But nobody ever did. “You made me think you cared for me. It was nice.” The Air Commander smiled weakly and Megatron yelled out as he felt himself weaken, falling off of the safety of the flight deck, into the endless depths below.

Megatron reached forward to grab his Air Commander, to reel him in. But he couldn’t.

* * *

Everything was black. Megatron groaned as his optics onlined.

His systems recalibrated as he sat up, adjusting to his surroundings. He was back in Starscream’s lab. He scanned the room for the seeker. “Starscream?” He called out worriedly. He was still confused to the reality of the situation- was he in a dream? Or was he back in the present. The Warlord wasn’t sure but he just wanted to see Starscream.

He ran over to the limp frame, draped over the lab bench. He noticed dried energon crusted around his wrists. He noticed the grey machine clutched within those deadly talons.

“Starscream..” He called out, lifting the mech from his uncomfortable slumped over position on the lab desk. He pulled the dream machine from his grasp, setting it on the desk.

He felt the weak spark pulse.

Starscream’s optics fluttered open and Megatron quickly cradled his Second.

“I’m.. I’m so sorry.” Was the first thing Starscream heard, and he felt his pained face take on a soft smile. A genuine one.

“Do you understand, My Lord?” His voice was weak. “My last chance.”

Megatron pressed the flier’s wrist against his lips, kissing the mostly-healed wound.

“I do care about you.”

Starscream simply nodded. Megatron scooped up his second to lay him flat against his own broad, grey chassis. The second placed his talons around the purple insignia, looking up with wide optics at Megatron.

The Decepticon Leader leaned down and pressed a soft kiss upon Starscream’s lips, the latter who reciprocated with a happy chirp. He slung his arms around Megatron’s neck, spark fluttering happily.

They sat there for another few hours. He relished in the safety and comfort. They both did.

“Starscream.” Megatron whispered and cupped his face. “Please forgive me.”

Starscream nodded. Megatron continued.

“I-“ He paused.

“I love you.”

The seeker flushed. “I love you too.”

Megatron clutched him tightly and protectively. He was determined to never have his Second-in-Command feel in such despair, to save him from further pain, self-inflicted or otherwise.

For once, Starscream’s plan had worked. His last chance had worked.

They embraced in another passionate kiss. This time, an understanding existed among the two mechs. Starscream silently slide open his cockpit, turbines sliding apart as armor revealed his spark chamber.

Megatron watched in awe as his second- whom he always seemed at odds with, willingly bared such an intimate- the most delicate, part of him. And he didn’t realize as his own spark soared for release, his own chassis armor splitting apart.

Starscream stared widely as he sat on Megatron’s lap, his spark emerging from the safety of its chambers. Megatron clutched his servos around Starscream’s, digits intertwining. They watched, entranced as the whisps of the sparks touched one another, dancing around in a magnificent dance. Met in the middle, each outside of their respective chambers, Megatron roared out and Starscream cried as the sparks merged together in a powerful surge of emotion. The bond- the emotions of millions of years. The power of the bond had left both mechs unconscious, curled together.

* * *

Starscream and Megatron onlined together. Their sparks had respectively sunken back to their chambers, armor closing protectively. Starscream gazed into Megatron’s optics. “Y-you sparkbonded with me.”

“I did.”

“Such a stupid thing to do in war..”

Megatron pressed a digit under the lithe frame’s chin, tilting his helm up. “Maybe. But I regret nothing.” Starscream’s faceplates blushed again as he leaned up, sticking his lips out for another kiss. The warlord graciously provided.

* * *

Starscream never expected to get sparkbonded- to get conjuxed out of his plan- his last chance. But, here he was, stupidly in love with his Leader. And here Megatron was, stupidly in love with his Air Commander. And neither complained about it anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> needed to write some angst but alas ill never have unhappy endings for self-indulgence purposes ;; this is darker than most of my pieces hhhh


End file.
